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sweetcakes100 51, Female, California, USA - 26 entries

Jan 2007
8:51 AM EDT

Hello everyone, I would like an advice how do you get over someone who hasn't been true to a person even on a chatsite? You see I had found someone on one of my chatsite and I had poured out all my feelings and had trusted that person. And this morning I had found out that a another girl had told me that she is having a fling with the guy who I had trusted on the internet. I felt really hurt, I am having a hard time trusting people in real life and on the internet. But this has brought me down. I would like to know how to get over the hurt,( I am a very suicidial person}.

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1 comment(s) - 04:24 AM - 01/29/2007

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candy 53, Female, Florida, USA - 2 entries

Jan 2007
7:55 PM EDT

test

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Angela Wang 47, Female, China - 73 entries

Jan 2007
6:12 PM EDT

After breakfast, I went out to buy a pair of cotton pants for my son because I will take him to my hometown in a few days, I am afraid that he will not be accustomed to the local climate there, so I have to make a good prepartation for the resistence agaist the cold and dry weather. Now he already went to bed, he will wake up in early morning. Therefore I have to go to bed earlier, or else I will be too sleepy to take care of him.

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uns3ttl3d 38, Female, New York, USA - 57 entries

Jan 2007
5:48 AM EDT

"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius." - Mozart it recently dawned upon me that my extreme lack of security is a major cause of myirrational, astray thoughts. it got so bad to the point i had to leave school. i just always wanted to be great. as a child i was always 2nd or 3rd to my siblings. growing up in grade school, i was always the chubby asian girl. i went to 5 different elementary schools. i was social in the first couple. but with time i grew to be extremely introverted and antisocial. these traits dont go away, they only grow in unexpected ways. today i stand with the immense fear of failure. failure to prove that im good enough. failure to be skinny and pretty, two things of which i was never called when i was tounger. at one point i turned anorexic when i was 14, everyone liked me all of a sudden, and i dated the guy that every girl drooled over. i grew ever so clingy to this period. if i gained a single pound i believed everything would fall apart. the truth is that i grew so withdrawn and irrational in my thoughts that he ended up dumping me. i got so depressed and wallowed in all the negativity life had to offer me. i dropped out of highschool for a year. i even considered stalking him but didnt. once an honor rolll student i because a drop out. i just was overwhelmed by the fact that i am not perfect. i just wanted to be great in spite of the fact i am just average. i never learned how to cope or deal with the fact that my talents dont lay in superficiality and diets and makeup. my talents lay in arts and creativity, i am a sensitive and emotional person. i went to a top art school as a freshman this year until the suppressed irrationality caught up with me, triggered perhaps by my brother's sudden demise of ending his life, perhaps by trying to drop 30 pounds (which i did after 2 months but gained it all back shortly afterwards, experieced my short-lived fame) it always seems to go this way every ime i try to better myself through new situations; i always back out. i always lose my health and then my sanity. i just can't or couldnt, rather, hold on for another single second. through the process i found some great many people that appreciate me regardless of how much i should hate myself, but my health was deteriorating at smoking a pack a day and eating nothing but fat and sugar. i couldnt get myself to step out into the frigid cold and get to studio classes. i was rapidly losing myability to function, and was doing poorly in my mission to conquer it or fight it so i was weakened so much to the point i just had to give up. and this is my rationalization. i seriously need psychiatric help. there is something wrong with me and it is affecting my life in negative ways...affecting my life in such a way i can't experience happiness (living, going to school, getting good marks, interacting with open-minded and creative people) i am tempted to cry over it. to wallow over it. to cling to every moment and every memory i made there. to cry and hate myself over the loss. to get caught up in the past. but then i realize this is only part of my irrationality, my hyper sensitivity, my inflated emotional state during a period of loss or its opposite, which is the fear of anything going wrong during a period of everything going right which usually doesnt happen to often but it did believe it or not for a very short period of time. the collapse of it contributed to my current state. i could say i am in an utter state of despair. i could say i am depressed. i could say i am worthless, fat, ugly, failure, and i need to die. or i could realize that i am just average. i am capable of doing above average, but lets face the facts...i am not supernatural. i cant resort to irrational thoughts as a way of thinking that it will somehow fuel to my ability and make me perfect and great. i am average. i should not think superficial thoughts, there is nothing that can really be done. i need to be rational and realistic. optimism and pessimism are all relative. those are all a reflectiong and product of my happiness or lack there of, so i cannot pick the product without having attempted the factor, you know? i plan to return to school spring of 2008. but for now i need to get help...mental and physicla and emotional. i also need to focus on not wallowing. i need to focus on quitting smoking. i need to focus on not being caught up in the past. i need to focus on not feeling sorry for myself all the time. these thoughts are all unrealistic and con against me. these thoughts are worthless and simply not worth being sadover. if i must be ruthless then thats fine. if i must be considered unkind or a bitch thats fine too. i realize i am not a nice person if i dont force myself to me. the only problem is that i resort to thinking irrationality in order to be kind and loving. and i just simply cant do that anymore. does that make me a bad person? i am certainly not afraid of death but i should stop embracing it. i should at least try to withstand from going completely insane. the problem is that after my brothers death i was open and willing to lose it completely. life didnt matter. people didnt matter. sanity didnt matter. i got what i wanted for a short period of time but ended up where i am now. i need this time off to heal my mind and my heart. i need this time to get mylife together. nobody will ever understand that, and they dont have to. as long as i kinow whats right for me, that is comfort in itself enough. i need to stay busy. this week i will look for jobs in the city and explore the city and the metro system. today i will help my parents unpack. i will maybe go apply for jobs but it is very unlikely. tomorrow i call MICA for transfer information. this week i need to see a doctor... i just want to et well. i just want to be happy. i just want to be myself and who i am meant to be for the sake of me. i am so sick of being so far away fromwho i really am.

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1 comment(s) - 10:20 AM - 01/28/2007

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charlax 71, Male, Arizona, USA - 744 entries

Jan 2007
2:26 AM MST

love love love is genooouis tis true oh keyboard tickler

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koren1 33, Female, Indiana, USA - 2 entries

Jan 2007
4:40 PM EDT

Hey its me !! My grandma KAy was intown and still is !! she is coming to my Academic meet this Friday I am so nervous I have to play the piano and SING !! A SOLO AND SONGIN a ANSOMEBLE AND CHHIOr !! even though I love to sing !!i am still nervouse !! ya no wat I mean ! But school is so rough I got a D+ on my last spelling test oh and the other great thing was that I aloso lost my GLASSES !! yaho for me !! but I am so bored !! this weekend !! was rough !! I cant wait till tomorrow I got this new shirt and i am so xcited to where !! it !! wWELL since i go to a Christian school !! i have to where a skirt EVERYDAY !! except this week WE get to were pants !! 1 day !! whopdeday ! well got to go !! bye !

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Mrsceegee 45, Female, Florida, USA - First entry!

Jan 2007
4:37 AM EDT

The rain falls today same as the day I met her, who would imagine the joy I feel.Ill write more later today.

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1 comment(s) - 10:07 AM - 01/28/2007

jazzsoulp 40, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 32 entries

Jan 2007
3:32 PM EST

It's my mums Birthday today...Heres a Little prayer for her...Aunty,...I Love you with all my heart. You have been the rock of our family. I want to be a great woman when I am 51...Just like you. I pray that the lord will grant you a happy and graceful many more years on this earth. May all your dreams come true and may the love daddy, the twins and I have for you grow stronger fo the rest of our days...God Bless you mother...Love, LP. .................................................... .... ................It's bout 3:00am Nigerian time and I really want to talk to my guy, but I have a feeling the convo. wont be as romantic as it ususally is. See,...sometime in November, we dint speak to each other for a whole week, and i was graduating the week after and I wasn't too happy bcos I wanted him o be a part of it even though he couldn't be here. He was going through some stuff, I guess trying to get himself back on the right track. I know he sometimes feels disappointed in himself, and doesn't want to disappoint me, so he doesn't like filling me in on the process until the product is done. Now, I feel I have just worsened the whole thing by yelling at him, but us being silent is somewhat a sacrifice...If it means him being mad at me or not wanting to tell me stuff until it is done, then it is all well and good as long as he starts acting more mature and getting productive. I guess this is what i get for not dating an older guy....But I love u D~K and we're in this together...Yur girl aint going nowhere.

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Carlie 50, Female, Louisiana, USA - 5 entries

Jan 2007
1:52 PM EST

Sometimes I feel realy bad like I have no one but other times I feel like I have a everyone on the earth loving me.Also I realy like my guy friend alot but can't tell him.I don't know how to tell him how should I tell him??

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1 comment(s) - 08:34 PM - 01/28/2007

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Brunette Mess 39, Female, Texas, USA - 15 entries

Jan 2007
1:14 PM EST

How do you decide your future? How do you pick which route to take? How do you know if the one you pick is the right choice? I need some answers! How do you make the biggest decision of your life? I keep going back and forth and I still have no clue! God I wish someone would tell me what to do and tell me that everything is going to work out. I mean, what if I make the wrong choice and I miss my fate, the life that was intended for me? I really want to go up east, but I don't know if I have what it takes to move 2,000 miles away from everything I've ever known!?! I've heard that you make decisions with your heart, but what do you do if your heart has been broken in a million little pieces? So I guess I have nothing to go by...I'm screwed! If anyone who is reading this lives or has been to any of the places I plan on moving too, your input would be greatly appreicated. The list is: Boston, Baltimore, Chapel Hill, Kansas City, & Austin. Anything, and I mean anything, you have to say will help. Thank God I still have 6 months to decide!

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1 comment(s) - 06:26 PM - 01/28/2007

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